Forgotten Prayers

I love my job with all of my heart. Somebody asked me a few months ago, "If you didn't have to worry about money, how would you spend your time?" I really thought about that question, and as I did so came to an incredible realization. I would be doing exactly what I am doing!

I work in an environment that allows me to be myself. I am allowed to testify of my Savior, to laugh and tease, to be cared for and to care for others, to share sorrows and joys, to lift and strengthen, to be known, to be in the mountains, to increase my understanding of my divine nature, to work at something worth working at. I know I am so blessed to have landed where I've landed, and acknowledge God's hands in the landing.

I was perusing old journal entries tonight and came across an entry on 8 March 2011 that brought tears to my eyes. I was nearing the end of my graduate coursework and beginning to worry about my next steps.

"I feel caged most days in graduate school--caged by expectations, protocol, precedents, and egos. I want to be free again--to create and to write the way I think best. As I'm finishing my last class and really getting involved with my thesis, I am beginning to feel wind under my wings again. I am anxious to fly, still chained to the ground (though not for long). Yet there's this weight on my shoulders--I fear even when my chains are gone I won't be able to fly. Once again I'll be launched into the workplace--struggling to maintain my sanity and bolster my divine identity amidst daily encounters with people and situations teaching me to be coarse and vulgar like the rest of the world. I am a daughter of God! Life is short, and I cannot afford to spend my days pretending I'm not...I want to spend my time glorifying God through the use of the many talents He has given me."

God answers prayers!!

I'd forgotten I was even worried about this, but here it is staring me in the face: proof God answers my prayers, even the forgotten ones.

In Church a few Sundays back we learned about the power of prayer, and the lesson was just for me. The inspired teacher suggested keeping track of the things we pray for and answers received. Not a new idea, but novel to me. I am now writing down my prayers, enabling me to remember and recognize God's hands in my life. My hope is that it will help to open my eyes, strengthen my testimony, and increase my gratitude for a God who has never forsaken me although I sometimes forget Him.

Oh how I thank God for answering my forgotten prayers!

Arriving

I got the best voicemail from Clair at BYU Graduate Studies the other day: "Hi Taralyn, I'm just calling to let you know we have everything we need from you for graduation. Congratulations!" Augh!!!

What now?

My graduate studies have consumed my life for the past three years. I feel like a palpable 500 pound weight I didn't realize I was carrying has been lifted from my shoulders. I might float away! After difficult classes, irritating professors, countless hoops to jump through, buckets of tears, incredible lessons, countless new friends, a whole mess of traveling, and expanded horizons, I'm done! I've arrived. It doesn't feel real. You may call me Master. :)

I think one of the greatest things I've learned over the past few years is this. There is so much I don't know!! Every single person I meet has something to teach me and the capacity to help me grow. Epic journeys are worth the battles, because that is how God teaches me and makes me stronger.

Who am I kidding? I haven't really arrived anywhere other than a new starting place. Off to the races!

Who I Am

I had the opportunity to teach a lesson to a room full of nearly 100 women about living what we believe. It takes my breath away to think about how much potential power that room full of women has if only they can do just that!

Alone, I can do incredible things, but together we can do so much more! In an effort to at least meet my part of that potential power, I've determined to be more true and consistent in who I am. See my personal creed below--this is who I am! This is the legacy I will leave.

Who are you? What will you intentionally leave behind?

1. Open door, open ears, open arms! I will seek to see the beauty in others and be a friend to everyone I meet, striving to help them feel God’s personalized love for them.

2. I will stand as a witness of Jesus Christ and His gospel in all that I do, say, and think.

3. I will stay close to the Lord via studying His word, communicating with Him through prayer, and worshipping Him through Church and Temple service.

4. I will be happy! I will spread joy and laughter.

5. I will take care of the beautiful body the Lord has blessed me with.

6. I will be known as a woman of integrity—one who is honest and true to her commitments, one who can be relied upon.

7. I will teach what I know, and always seek to learn that which I do not.

8. I will never stop fighting Satan in the battle for my soul. In the end, I will win!

Just Visiting

I love chatting with people. Favorite. I was in the market for a new car back in September, and test drove several. My favorite test drive was with a man my roommates and I actually had a lot in common with. He loved spending some time with 3 rural Idaho girls, and told us how much he hated living in the city.

"How long have you been living in the city?"

"I've been visiting this city since 1993."

We all had a good laugh at that!

Recent events in my life have caused me to reflect on this statement. I sometimes grow weary of living in this world. I hate how Satan twists meaning, alters perceptions, and degrades the divinity within each of us. I know I am a daughter of God and will return home to Him. I know my life on this earth is a necessary test of my strength and loyalty. What a training ground it has and will continue to be! I still hate this part of God's plan.

I've been visiting since 1983!

There are incredible things to be accomplished in this world, and I want to be a tool in God's hands to accomplish His work here. I hope to live a long, healthy, and happy life. As I do so, it sure helps to remember I'm just visiting!

Rule #10

Sometimes I'm not very good at living in the present. I sure try to be, but when I get stressed out about deadlines or other things that may or may not happen in the near or distant future, I struggle to keep my head in the here and now. This has been one of those weeks. I've been worrying about responsibilities, realities, and relationships, and have been mentally a little miserable.

I worked as staff at a wilderness rehabilitation program for at-risk teens for a few years. When they came into the program they had to memorize 14 rules verbatim, and pass them off with a staff before they could progress in their program. That meant I also had the rules memorized verbatim. It has been almost 5 years since I've recited those rules or heard them recited, but I'm pretty sure I could still recite them for you!

I'll never forget Rule #10: I will not ask questions pertaining to the future. A simple rule, but one of the most questioned and also most learned from. Those kids needed to learn to live in the present! For them, it didn't matter what was going on at home, what their friends were doing, what was happening politically, etc. What mattered was their treatment, and that was where their thoughts needed to be. I loved going into the wilderness every week, leaving everything behind, and living in the present with them! As I did so, I learned the value of living in the present.

The transition from the simplicity of living in the wilderness to the complexity of rejoining the world is a tough one. Rule #10 goes out the window, yet I know the value of living in the present: not worrying so much about what I can't control. Too bad I have to keep relearning this lesson! I am determined to move forward from this week with Rule #10 in mind, focused on the here and now, focused on what I can control, focused on the blessings of each day.

Train Wreck

There was a tragedy this past week in the town I live in, which hit pretty close to home. Three young girls, who attended the school my roommate teaches at, were killed in a train accident. I was grateful to be able to play the supporting role for her as she struggled with the emotions of this week. As I did so, my thoughts lingered on train wrecks and life choices.

The phrase, "What a train wreck!" has taken on all new meaning for me. I am now poignantly aware of the tragedy, emotion, and fallout of a train wreck. It is not something that affects only the lives of those involved, but every life that touches upon the story. It has touched my roommate's life. It has touched my life. It has touched the life of everyone I tell the story to. Now it has touched yours. So what now? What do we take from such a story? How do families and communities move on? I don't know. But I know how I will move on.

I am reminded the Lord will call me home when He needs me home. I don't know when that will be or how much time I have left on this earth to make a difference. I am determined to make a difference now! I am determined to live every day as if it's my last--no regrets.

I am reminded of the value of my relationships with everyone around me. I don't know how long I will have them for. I am determined to love and cherish the people in my life. I will not hold back my love and friendship. I will do everything in my power to let people know I love them and am grateful for the lessons they teach me every day.

I am reminded to reach beyond myself. So many people are dealing with train wrecks in their lives! I am blessed with a good family, good friends, a good education, a good job, a strong testimony, and so much more. I have the capacity to look beyond myself, reach out in love, and play the supporting role more often and more effectively. I am determined to do so.

I am reminded to live in the present. To cherish each moment, to make needed changes now, to stop doing what I should not be doing, to keep doing what I should be doing, and to start doing everything else I should be doing.

These are lessons I've learned before. These are things I know. How easy it is to get busy and forget what matters most! I thank God for this reminder.

Cover Your Eyes!

I recently went to the Circus with a group of friends and loved it! One of the acts was 2 strong men performing incredible feats. Cool to see but kind of awkward as they were fairly scantily clad. At one point one of the strong men's legs went up into the air, his gladiator skirt fell down around his belly, and his whitey tighties showed. My friend promptly reached over and covered my eyes with his hand.

It was just funny in the moment, but it got me thinking about this world we live in and how often I wish a good friend would cover my eyes with his hand. It has reaffirmed my resolve to hide my own eyes from the things that pull me down spiritually. That is certainly something I have control over! It is amazing how quickly little things like seeing a strong man's whitey tighties from the nose bleed section can desensitize you to Satan's lies. I'm resolved to be more vigilant in protecting my soul from all that threatens to destroy me!